I dream of illustrating children's books for the "Big 5!" You know -- Scholastic, Simon Schuster, Harcourt, etc. New York City - Avenue of the Americas! I would even work for the small publishers -- they have great projects as well. I know I was born to do this. I want this! A small piece of me believes that I even deserve this. I mean, I work hard, overtime, too much time to be exact! I pour myself into every project that is mildly interesting! Right now, I am cranking out samples to send to publishers for examples on postcards. I am doing everything I can do right now to market my business of illustration!
On the other hand, I need something very important! I need God to open the floodgates. Sometimes everything feels stagnant while I wait for publishers to call. I'm prepared to wait for awhile. I know this is not an easy endeavor. It takes patience -- I just hope I have enough!
Sometimes God feels like a BIG IMMOVEABLE FORCE!! No matter how hard I push to make things happen on my own -- I fail! I know He has to be with me AND it has to be the right time. Sometimes I just wish I could have a tiny sneak peek into the plans he has for me. Speaking of all this -- my business plan has been blown to smitherines!! I wonder why I bothered making my own plan because I seem to be on His plan.
I know that I AM ENOUGH! Without it all -- I am enough! I don't look to my art for a sense of identity or status. It provides me nothing short of the pleasure to create it and maybe a "peanut paycheck." Yet I know I have the ability to earn a healthy income -- if only money was important to me!
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I would have told you all of this had I written the post a week ago. Don't get me wrong -- I still feel like this at times. It is amazing what happens when we get that "glimpse" that I have so long been wanting. Maybe it is not me that is the hold up here -- maybe others need to be in the right place for everything to fall just right!
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